Sunday, September 26, 2004
Women should be obscene and not heard
Which of course brings us to Egypt and Mrs. Ritchie, where she is now persona non grata for visiting You Know Who (and if you need to understand the genesis of the term You Know Who, check out Tom Lehrer's immortal "Who's Next" from "That Was The Year That Was") and for the despicable action of become El Yahoud. Apart from the fact that Mrs. Ritchie hasn't formally converted to El Yahoud, and is into Kabbalah because of its trendiness by any reasonable observer, the action says an awful lot about the differences in countries. TTBFKACS was flagged by intelligence services as having contacts that might be distinctly unhealthy for any normal citizen to be around, and for moving money around for people who are entirely too concerned with rapid oxidation and air movements as long as it involves killing El Yahoud and Dar Al Kalb. Mrs. Ritchie on the other hand is merely an attention grabbing dilettante who's looking for the latest and greatest solution to the emptiness in her soul. If she were truly interested in Judaism and not celebrity voodoo, the process for conversion is well defined (tradition dictates that a rabbi turn down someone seeking conversion to Judaism three times, or at least to vigorously discourage the potential convert who might not realize what he or she is taking on). I do hope she finds what she's looking for on her journey (as I vigorously suppress the Henny Youngman reflex...)
Finally, even though this one is making the e-mail joke rounds it made me laugh hard enough to post it:
The Top 12 Signs the Call Center Employee You're Dealing With Is Overseas
12> Rather than reboot your PC to fix the problem, she suggests you sacrifice a chicken.
11> "John Smith... could you please spell that for me, sir?"
10> The hold music? Nothing but sitars, gongs, pan flutes and bagpipes.
9> He tells you the problem with your Gateway computer is that you're worshipping false bovine idols..
8> The loud noises in the background are perfectly in sync with exploding bombs on live CNN war coverage.
7> "[Burrrp!] So sorry -- my fermented yak milk is repeating on me today."
6> Her first step toward solving your DVD player problem is instructing you to "ejaculate the disk."
5> To sweeten the deal, he offers to throw in a couple of Russian orphans.
4> "And while I have you on the phone, Mrs. Smith, may I tell you about my aunt, the widow of the deceased chief secretary to the deposed Prince Regent of Nigeria? You see, he's living in exile and he has all of this money...."
3> "I'm sorry, Wing-Ma took the morning off for maternity leave. She'll be back after lunch."
2> "Boy, what a commute this morning. My bus plunged off a mountainside -- again!"
1> "Hi, my name is Bob Deathtoamerica. How may I help you?"