Sunday, September 26, 2004


Women should be obscene and not heard

Here's a real howler from The Terrorist Bagman Formerly Known As Cat Stevens. It seems that TTBFKACS is "initiating legal action" against the US because of his deportation. His reason for a visit to the US was somehow very vague, and on at least one board there was a suggestion that he would be "recording in Nashville". Now, considering that off the top of my head I can name at least three world-class recording studios in London that most musicians in the world would give their eye teeth to cut tracks in (that joint up in St. John's Wood near the crosswalk being the first one that comes to mind) and he wants to schlep to Nashville, for what, local color? Not to mention that there's absolutely no word of any new product coming out from him, something which any journeyman publicist would be all over months in advance (look at how the hype was nicely set up for "Smile" if you need an example). We can also reasonably imply that sensitive singer songwriters aren't necessarily endorsed by your average mullatollahs (the approval of Queen for public consumption in Iran sort of strikes me as analogous to those cynical Politburoniks who finally said it was OK for Russian kids to listen to the Beatles in the late 70s and early 80s, figuring it was just harmless kid stuff). While TTBFKACS might feel his dignity has been sullied, the simple fact remains that any country has the right to say who can visit. Permission to enter a country is a right and not a privilege.

Which of course brings us to Egypt and Mrs. Ritchie, where she is now persona non grata for visiting You Know Who (and if you need to understand the genesis of the term You Know Who, check out Tom Lehrer's immortal "Who's Next" from "That Was The Year That Was") and for the despicable action of become El Yahoud. Apart from the fact that Mrs. Ritchie hasn't formally converted to El Yahoud, and is into Kabbalah because of its trendiness by any reasonable observer, the action says an awful lot about the differences in countries. TTBFKACS was flagged by intelligence services as having contacts that might be distinctly unhealthy for any normal citizen to be around, and for moving money around for people who are entirely too concerned with rapid oxidation and air movements as long as it involves killing El Yahoud and Dar Al Kalb. Mrs. Ritchie on the other hand is merely an attention grabbing dilettante who's looking for the latest and greatest solution to the emptiness in her soul. If she were truly interested in Judaism and not celebrity voodoo, the process for conversion is well defined (tradition dictates that a rabbi turn down someone seeking conversion to Judaism three times, or at least to vigorously discourage the potential convert who might not realize what he or she is taking on). I do hope she finds what she's looking for on her journey (as I vigorously suppress the Henny Youngman reflex...)

Finally, even though this one is making the e-mail joke rounds it made me laugh hard enough to post it:

The Top 12 Signs the Call Center Employee You're Dealing With Is Overseas

12> Rather than reboot your PC to fix the problem, she suggests you sacrifice a chicken.
11> "John Smith... could you please spell that for me, sir?"
10> The hold music? Nothing but sitars, gongs, pan flutes and bagpipes.
9> He tells you the problem with your Gateway computer is that you're worshipping false bovine idols..
8> The loud noises in the background are perfectly in sync with exploding bombs on live CNN war coverage.
7> "[Burrrp!] So sorry -- my fermented yak milk is repeating on me today."
6> Her first step toward solving your DVD player problem is instructing you to "ejaculate the disk."
5> To sweeten the deal, he offers to throw in a couple of Russian orphans.
4> "And while I have you on the phone, Mrs. Smith, may I tell you about my aunt, the widow of the deceased chief secretary to the deposed Prince Regent of Nigeria? You see, he's living in exile and he has all of this money...."
3> "I'm sorry, Wing-Ma took the morning off for maternity leave. She'll be back after lunch."
2> "Boy, what a commute this morning. My bus plunged off a mountainside -- again!"
1> "Hi, my name is Bob Deathtoamerica. How may I help you?"


<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?

Technorati search