Sunday, January 02, 2005

 

The Fiskies

Charles at LGF has posted nominations for Idiotarian Of The Year (AKA "Fiskies"), so I thought I'd take a crack at sorting out who I'm going to cast my vote for. The list (and of course my comments):

Dan Rather: Front-runner for his sheer venom
Kofi Annan: Look in the dictionary under gonif and you see his picture
Baghdad Bob: Merely pitiful.
Jacques Chirac: Gold standard for idiots
Michael Moore: See entry for Chirac
Ted Rall: Venomous cartoonist, but only really cared about by the WaPo types.
Bruce Springsteen: Finally letting his guilt over draft-dodging Vietnam come out in the wrong way.
Seymour Hersh: Merely an idiot
SorryEverybody.com: Where's my apology?
Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero: Manuel Tijuana Guadalajara Tampico Gomez, Juuunior. Also spelled N-E-V-I-L-L-E C-H-A-M-B-E-R-L-A-I-N
Al Gore: Perennial favorite idiot.
Markos Zuniga (Daily Kos): I wouldn't waste bandwidth checking this idiot out.
Maureen Dowd: Sulzberger entity tool. Need I say more?
Barbra Streisand: Should win a Lifetime Idiot Achievement Award
George Soros: That little party in central Europe in the 40s didn't really make an impression on you, didn't it George?
John Pilger: Non-entity
The Dixie Chicks: Even John Lennon started getting a clue before he died (read the Playboy interview for his favorable comments about conservatives handling money)
Noam Chomsky: Another perennial favorite. What the hell does a half-assed philologist know about geopolitics?
Jeanine Garofalo: Spectacularly unfunny.
Sean Penn: Spectacularly untalented. The name "Lord Haw-Haw" comes to mind
Linda Ronstadt: Hasn't done a record worth talking about in 30 years. Needs attention desperately
Chris Matthews: Unimportant
Al Franken: He wasn't funny on Saturday Night Live either
Mary Mapes: Irrelevant
Howard Dean: AARGH!
Democratic Underground: Reading this is like reading back issues of the Daily Worker
Ted Kennedy: Another Lifetime Achievement Award winner. Special prize of a week at the Betty Ford Clinic for the old geezer
Ramsey Clarke: The Mouth That Roared. Attention Whore. Makes Jimmy Carter look good.
Hans Blix: Combination of the Cliveden Set and Charles Lindbergh ca. 1940
Barbara Plett: Irrelevant
Keith Olbermann: Irrelevant
The Guardian: Automated translation of Al-Jazeera on editorial page
Lawrence O'Donnell : Irrelevant
Mark Morford: Irrelevant
Prof. Robert Jensen: Academic. Automatically irrelevant

So, who would be my top 10 idiots of the year? Rather, Moore, Annan, Chirac, Blix, Clarke, Zapatero, Streisand, Penn, and Chomsky. Much as I'd like to get Ted Kennedy into my top 10 list, it's a given that he'd be there by virtue of his makeup and genetics, so in all fairness to the other idiots out there, I'll refrain from putting the senior senator from Massachusetts into the top 10 of any annual idiot listing.

Picking a winner from this lovely list is a matter that takes the knowledge, taste and subtlety of a Bert Parks. Clarke is another perennial here, but since he seems to have channeled the shade of Joe Kennedy, it's hard to DQ him. Penn and Streisand being mere entertainment industry whores are probably the easiest to eliminate (and my intense personal dislike of anything Streisand makes it only fair to eliminate what should be an objective measure of performance metrics). Zapatero is probably just a reflection of Eurowussiness, not that excuses him, but he's more a symptom than a root cause. Chomsky is a mere kvetch (and the fact that he's a self-hating Jew earns my undying contempt, but the same way a shark knows only to hunt prey and make little sharks, Chomsky only knows to make idiotic pronouncements). The UN clods are idiots par excellence, trying to suborn our sovereignty, so they remain in the running. Moore and Rather's sins are well known. Chirac, well, delusions of suzerainty induced by excessive worship of DeGaulle, and sucking in anti-Semitism with his mother's mik, tough one to drop.

Were it possible to have a ten-way tie, I'd humbly suggest it, but obviously not possible, and of course, since I neither live in Chicago nor am registered as a Democrat, multiple votes aren't possible. As much as Rather's actions are galling, her's merely an entertainer in the same vein as Streisand et al, so I suppose he could be put into the also-ran file. Now that we're down to the UN thieves and Chirac makes a much tougher choice for me, but thinking about it, Blix is merely Mr. Magoo, and Annan is but the latest example of how a petty bureaucrat will steal given the opportunity. I suppose Chirac will get my vote.

Too bad the contest is for Idiotarian Of The Year, as I have several write-in candidates if it was merely the more general case of Idiot Of The Year.

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