Friday, February 18, 2005


One Hundred Completely Irrelevant And Disjointed Facts About Me

I originally had a rather stinging missive penned on a local politician-wannabe, but decided to rework it a bit. It was one of those dashed-off things written in a moment of pique that most bloggers know all too well, but to paraphrase one of Mr. Puzo's well-known lines, such a skewering is a dish best enjoyed cold. The inspiration for said missive was actually peripherally related to the New Toy arriving today (as I pen this introduction, the carrier's tracking has it somewhere in the general vicinity of the Outerbridge Crossing) but being absolutely stuck this early in the morning, I wussed out and went for the meme, hence, one hundred factoids about your host that will positively bore you.

  1. I like red meat
  2. I dislike Japanese food, especially sushi
  3. I'm OK with seafood in small doses
  4. Parmigiana and similar red sauce dishes bore me
  5. I prefer iced tea to soda
  6. I rarely drink non-diet drinks
  7. I usually go through at least six or seven 16oz bottles of water ever day
  8. I very rarely go for Mexican food
  9. I love Indian food
  10. I watch relatively little television in a normal week
  11. I will rearrange my schedule around any new episodes of The Sopranos
  12. I haven't had a speeding ticket in almost seven years
  13. I talked my way out of one in 2000
  14. I grew up a Mets fan, now they bore me to tears
  15. I'm not all that enamored with the Yankees
  16. I couldn't care less about basketball. Haven't seen a game worthy of the name since the Knicks' championships in the early 70s
  17. I grew up a Jets fan. See #14
  18. For family reasons I can't be a Giants fan.
  19. I couldn't care less about hockey.
  20. I dislike going to any sporting event as it's too expensive and unless you beat it out of there before the game ends you get caught in all manner of traffic and crowds
  21. I once ate ten hot dogs at Shea Stadium with no significant after effects
  22. I dislike going to amusement parks and arcades
  23. My preferred spirits are in order, Single Malt Scotch, Armagnac, Cognac and Bourbon
  24. I occasionally will take bourbon on the rocks in the summer. Occasionally.
  25. My preferred beers are Belgian Trappist and Abbey styles
  26. I like doppelbocks and all manner of dark beers even if they're nominally lagers
  27. My favorite American beer is Anchor Steam
  28. I once had the opportunity to buy a Jaguar E-Type at a reasonable price. I didn't.
  29. I've only owned one high performance car. I got rid of it a long time ago.
  30. I managed to beat a caffeine addiction years ago. I relapsed recently.
  31. I hate Starbucks
  32. I like Dunkin Donuts coffee, but their donuts don't do anything for me
  33. Krispy Kreme regular glazed are my donut of choice
  34. First time I was in a Dunkin Donuts was in the mid 60s with my grandmother. They had the cartoon versions of Abbott and Costello as their mascots.
  35. I recently found my old Escort radar detector. I wouldn't think of using it nowadays.
  36. The funniest standup comics I ever saw in person were George Carlin, Buddy Hackett and Mal Z. Lawrence. Rickles came close, but no cigar.
  37. The only current comedian who really cracks me up is Chris Rock
  38. I once had the opportunity to buy a Ferrari 308 at a reasonable price. I didn't.
  39. I'm a basically cheap person
  40. The corollary to that is that I will indulge the family
  41. Another corollary to that is that I do have Guitar (or Gear) Acquisition Syndrome, and thus the periodic New Toy posts
  42. I look at G.A.S. as being cheaper than a high performance car in the near and long term
  43. I think most guitars and gear are horrendously overpriced, but what's one to do about it short of voting with one's wallet?
  44. I really dislike New York City. I'm entitled to. I grew up there.
  45. I really dislike Long Island. Too much traffic, and the haughty attitudes are unbelievable considering the environment.
  46. The scary thing is that I still know the subways like the back of my hand
  47. I have only taken the Long Island Railroad once, when I went from Brooklyn to the Nassau Coliseum to see George Harrison in 1974.
  48. Saw McCartney at Nassau in 1976. Tenth row orchestra. Great show.
  49. Saw Springsteen at Nassau in 1980. New Year's Eve. About 30th row in the orchestra. Great show.
  50. I had two dates for the McCartney show, and only two tickets (first girl I asked said no at first, second girl eagerly said yes, first one reconsidered and called me back and wanted to go, very badly. Since second girl was the daughter of a family friend, I had to do the right thing and take her).
  51. I stopped seeing both young ladies later that year.
  52. I actually saw Frankie Valli's reconstituted Four Seasons acts about four or five times in that time frame. We always wondered why he did medleys and not play the full songs all the way through.
  53. I once saw Jay Black and his reconsitituted Jay and The Americans open for Frankie. He was unmerciful in his teasing and ribbing of Frankie. It was pretty nasty, actually.
  54. I actually managed to find a picture of my first girlfriend on the web. No, not that kind of picture! It's actually an old summer camp picture.
  55. I haven't had Jolt Cola in almost 10 years
  56. I'm no longer so enamored of Chinese food
  57. I really don't think it's worth schlepping all the way into Chinatown or other ethnic neighborhoods for an ethnic meal. If I happen to be in the neighborhood, I'll go.
  58. Despite my general loathing of the French, I still love French food
  59. My favorite Irish pub closed down recently. Haven't been there in ages, but they had the best Guinness in the tri-state area, bar none. No place in Manhattan came close.
  60. I dislike extended family gatherings intensely
  61. I could use a pastrami fix, with a side of kishke
  62. For a nice Jewish boy, I really dislike most Jewish music
  63. No, I don't find Adam Sandler funny
  64. I used to positively drool over Bailey on WKRP
  65. I think the only really sexy woman on TV nowadays is Rachael Ray
  66. Although I can actually cook a decent gourmet meal, I haven't done much more than throw something on the broiler or make breakfast in the last seven or eight years
  67. I crave quiet
  68. I'm still trying to work my way through Neal Stephenson's "Quicksilver". Love the book, just haven't had enough time
  69. I'm a morning person
  70. For someone who's got a rather large library of train books and videos, plus a decent model train collection, I really don't like riding trains that much lately
  71. I loathe flying
  72. My personal library is too big
  73. I really should learn to say "no" once in a while
  74. I'm a bit of a procrastinator
  75. I carefully manage my availability by cell phone and pager. Too many people abuse it.
  76. I had some truly excellent teachers growing up. I find that my kids don't have the same advantage.
  77. I loathe bureaucracies
  78. I've done a fair amount of travel through Europe. I have no desire to return in the foreseeable future.
  79. I really want a full Marshall stack, but there's no way I can justify it
  80. I tend to be somewhat impatient
  81. Video games leave me cold
  82. I'm a lousy golfer
  83. I have no interest in participating in any other sport, save for a softball game for nostalgia's sake with some old friends
  84. Tennis bores the living daylights out of me
  85. I would really like a dedicated listening room, plus a dedicated music studio to indulge my audiophile and musician's streaks. Realistically, I won't get either.
  86. I dislike social events with buffets when you're told when you can join the line for food. Invariably the host or the DJ announces that Table 1 can join the line, and you cheerfully find yourself and your hungry family ensconced at Table 17.
  87. I was once asked to run for local office for some town board. I declined the nomination.
  88. I have a rapier-like wit that sometimes expresses itself in very inappropriate circumstances. Such as funerals and corporate meetings.
  89. Even though I'm a management consultant and I often have to express difficult concepts on the 100K-foot level, I'm more comfortable talking about those concepts at the detailed low level. It's sometimes hard for me to dumb down the conversation.
  90. I love to use the English language well. Years of Buckley and Safire did that for me. I occasionally mangle it in these pages but that's deliberate and for the humorous effect.
  91. I loathe stupidity.
  92. There was one stretch of about six months where I would regularly (2-3 times a week) eat at Soup Kitchen International, the boite that inspired a certain Seinfeld episode. Expensive lunch, but worth it. No, he wasn't rude, just brusque.
  93. My favorite burgers are Fuddruckers, but since the chain has virtually disappeared I've had to do without. Saw one somewhere on Route 23 in Jersey last year, but it was too crowded to take the family into.
  94. Favorite fast food used to be Roy Rogers. Also virtually disappeared. First time I went in I asked for a Triggerburger. The manager wasn't amused.
  95. Given the choice between a dental cleaning and a colonoscopy I'll take the scoping any day. I invariably get dentists and hygienists who are closet sadists.
  96. I suspect most of my jokes go over people's heads
  97. My cynical streak has rubbed off on my oldest kid
  98. As Groucho would say, these are my opinions. If you don't like it I have others. This space is for rent, as being a management consultant is somewhat analogous to being a call girl specializing in being on the receiving end of sadomasochism.
  99. Despite my business being in part related to creating management trappings such as executive dashboards I strongly feel such trappings really add very little value to projects or operations
  100. I'm horrified that I can use the various permutations of the term "value-added" in context and intelligently


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